Digging Deeper

Twice this past week I was asked if teaching English is what I REALLY want to do. Marcia Linley, my practicum teacher, said I should reconsider my plans of teaching middle school. “Elementary school is so much easier,” she explained. Then she went on to say she is moving up to the high school level next year. She is worn out from all the demands put on her, and wants to teach students who care. After that first questioning of my sanity and motives, I began worrying about both! What is my real motivation for teaching middle school English? Then last Friday my Upper Level Comp teacher asked me if I really understood what I was getting into by teaching English? “Can’t you be interested in teaching Social Studies or P.E?” Her question was sincere. She explained that she is tired…worn out, and English is the toughest subject to teach, especially in light of all the emphasis for improvement on CSAP scores. “Are you ready and willing to have a career that totally consumes your life?” Ahhhhhhhh! I don’t know!!!
Here are the straight and truthful facts as I know them:
1. I am attending college because I know with a degree in SOMETHING, I will get a better job at doing ANYTHING!
2. I chose teaching as a career because it best matches my daughter’s schedule, and I am always a mother first!
3. I was working toward a degree in Elementary education, but the closer I got to transferring to UNC the sicker I felt. I changed my plans to teach secondary, and as a result feel better about the direction I am heading.
4. I choose English as an Emphasis because I enjoyed the Literature and Writing classes in college more than the other disciplines. I have received straight A’s throughout my college career, so I can perform well no matter what the subject. If I have to concentrate my education in one area, then I want it to be in an area I enjoy.
5. I am NOT passionate about English! I do not read and write in my spare time. I don’t compose original prose or poetry. I read when a good book comes highly recommended, but I am not always in the middle of a book.
6. I am concerned that I have not had enough background knowledge, content, and practice to be a good English teacher. Although with every passing semester, I feel more and more prepared.
7. I AM passionate about literacy. I believe all children should have the opportunity to become literate….not just sound out words, but to question, categorize, relate, analyze, and connect information.
8. I am interested in helping middle school students learn that they can be learners. I want each student to feel the need to continually feed their brains.
So, is teaching English what I really want to do? I still don’t know, and frankly, the question is freaking me out! Right now I want to pursue my degree in a field I really enjoy, and maybe the answer will become clearer as I progress and get more experience.