So, I unveiled my web site in my compostion class with a brief, I mean very brief explanation, and somehow offended one person in my class. Here is part of the conversation that ensued.
Holly said, "I want to make clear what sounded negative to me before I comment further, Connie mentioned a reporter that was asked not to mention dropping out when interviewing kids and she said something along the lines of "If only kids didn't drop out until we mention it, if only kids didn't have sex until we mentioned it, if only kids weren't gay until we mentioned it" in that specific context you Connie aligned, however unintentionally, homosexuality with these other issues and problems. There were a few to her instances that I felt contributed to this view, that was the main one. I hope I didn't step on anyones toes, I just feel that it is important to think about what we mean and what we say. I also think it is important to recognize our prejudices, biases et, and work to change them.
I wish we could feel lucky to meet new and different people in our worlds and think of difference as an opportunity for learning and growth, then maybe the language change will be easier to accomplish, if our mindsets are changed. I think that should be the goal of all teachers. After all we learn most when we are uncomfortable."
Lindsay responded, "I think that we are kind of in a wierd transitional period with te GLB subject in general just because for so long it has been such a "hushed" and overlooked topic. Everyone has tried to sweep it under the rug for so long that finally when it comes out into the open, people aren't sure how to discuss it in a way that isn't offensive to anybody. Its interesting because I kind of feel like no matter what people say, someone else can find offense in it somewhere. But it is absolutely necessary to use language that creates a comfort level instead of excluding those who it may offend. I wish people could just look at it as something that just is. It really saddens me that our world is so unaccepting of others who may have lifestyles that differ from their own. I'm really not sure how to address the question of what language to actually USE, but its pretty important that we figure it out because everyone deserves respect and acceptance. And I honestly didn't realize that any "controversial" language was being used during the presentation at all, but I think its just an interesting discussion all together. Like Connie said, people don't choose to be any specific sexual orientation, and the fact that we are all trying to hard to estabish equality for those who have been looked down upon all these years is still fairly new. I think it's all part of the struggle to establish a sense of "okay. it is what it is". With every struggle for equality and understanding there's a fair amount of resistance that comes with it.
It's a great thing to think about.We should all be using language that is appropriate for ALL students."
Connie replied, "Holly, I am glad you gave a specific example to which I can respond. I can see how the quote you cite can be offensive if taken out of context with what our theme was… “children deprived of words.” One of the biggest problems with getting educators to integrate GLBTQ literature, music, language, etc. into curriculum is many people (parents and educators) believe that we may give kids “ideas.” Ideas to become GLBTQ. My whole point is that some children are GLBTQ, and depriving them of words can lead them to self-destructive behaviors. We should not fear having open, accepting communications because we cannot recruit someone to be gay. They are, or are not, already gay.
So, my ending quote was meant to tie back in our topics (Drop out rates and Acknowledging GLBTQ in middle school), and how they relate to the need to communicate effectively with students. Just by giving “words,” or factual information to students does not make them get the idea to drop out of school or become GLBTQ.
Our kids are dropping out of school…what can we do to communicate the implications of doing so?
Our kids are GLBTQ…what can we do to communicate we accept them as they are, and are willing to help them through the sometimes difficult coming out process?
If I would have had more time in the presentation, I could have more effectively separated those two topics, and expanded on the final thought.
Holly, I hope you looked at my web site. I am trying to do the right thing here for our children. For my child. I fear that by arguing over what language we should use, we won’t ever communicate effectively. I hope you give me the benefit-of-the-doubt, and know I truly want inclusive, accepting communication in our schools for students of all sexual orientations."
Marian interjected, "I would just like to throw in my two cents. I do think that there are some generational differences that make different views inevitable. What I thought about that seems to touch on something Holly mentioned is all of the reality shows that adolescents and young adults are exposed to these days. Here is a list of a just few shows on air that include gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals who are looked up to on television today: A Shot at Love; Work Out; Next; The Real World; Project Runway; Top Chef; Survivor...
I mention media becuase there is no negetive conotation attached to these individuals, but rather a positive representation becuase they worked to get where they are in many of the shows. I know that today in high schools gay and lesbain fiction is offered in the cannon without having to sign a waiver, which is a huge step.
Instead of looking at all of the negetive aspects of what needs to be done, we can look at what steps have been taken and learn from those. As I said about the Dodgeball and Special Ed. presentation, it is essential that we are given the past, present and future of the issues becuase it allows us to learn from our progression rather then look at negetive statistics and emphasize that something needs to be done. Steps are being taken and progress is being made and we as students have been educated about issues that other generations have not.
I thought it was a good presentation, but I see exactly where Holly is comming from!"
Connie's final words were, "Yay! Marian, I love this discussion because it helps to define context!! You are absolutely right in that there is probably a generational difference, but even in your generation all is not rosy! I am going through the process of acceptance because I have a gay son, but even he is not totally accepted by his peers.
As for the context of my paper...if I were writing to media execs or high school students, I would be seen as spreading intolerance; however, my audience is parents of middle school students, and more particularly right-winged, Christian parents. That is a tough audience, and my writing, in order to gain their trust and confidence, must be written in their language, so I can bring them to my point-of-view.
Also, The media and high schools are accepting of GLBTQ, but our middle schools are not. I interviewed 6 educators from Poudre and found that at a time when our students are questioning, or identifying, we don’t have clubs, support groups, literature or music, language, or discussions that are so important to their healthy and happy development. Because kids are identifying as early as 8 years old, they can question and struggle for 7 years before they get to high school. That is too long! My assertion is that we need to have greater resources for these kids at a time when they need it!
Just yesterday I asked a question of a junior high counselor who was speaking at my EDUC 350 class. “What is being done at this level to support our kids who are identifying?” Her answer….”Legislation.” Legislation? Okay, that is a start in protecting our kids from abuse, but do the kids feel legislation?
As future teachers, we can create a more accepting atmosphere only as long as we have the parents on board, and they are the ones keeping GLBTQ quiet in middle schools.
Thank you all for the great discussion. This project is a passion of mine, and I would love any feedback on my website. Again remember who the audience is." - Connie
Showing posts with label Homosexual. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Homosexual. Show all posts
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
A Christian Mother's Conversion
The bikes were the last items shoved into the twenty-four foot U-Haul before we shut the door and hooked-up the trailer carrying our red Volkswagen bug. With a hint of irony, the day was April Fool’s Day, 1999, and I was fleeing my bankrupt life in Fairfield, California. Emotionally and physically spent, I was leaving behind a failed marriage, a foreclosed house, and a gay son, to start over in Colorado.
Before taking the driver’s seat, I accepted Robbie’s request we take one last walk around the block. Neither of us could find the words we wanted so desperately to convey to each other. “Robbie, I know you’ve been struggling with some issues for a few years now, and I want you to know that no matter what, I love you. Please be good and choose things in your life that will make you and God happy.” What I wanted to say was, “Robbie, don’t be gay! Please don’t go against everything we have taught you about God,” but I had never directly acknowledged Robbie’s homosexuality up to this point, and did not want to start talking about his sexual identity when I was ready to drive away.
Robbie’s words were tentative, “Mom, I love you, and I would never choose to do anything to purposefully hurt you. I’m going to miss you.” What Robbie wanted to say was, “Mom, I am gay, and it wasn’t my choice. I am scared and need your support.” I jumped into the big truck holding my life’s accumulations and drove away from my eldest born not wanting to look back.
Homosexuality is AIDS
The anxiety I felt about Robbie’s homosexuality continued to build since he was away at Scout Camp five years earlier. While all the boys were away, I took the opportunity to clean their bedrooms like only a mother can. Between braving the testosterone stench of newly developing adolescence, finding the mother lode of missing socks under the bed, separating dishes deemed renewable from those I didn’t want to ever eat out of again, I found a stack of novels about gay teens. How could Robbie even want to read about homosexuality? Gasping for breath, the weight of the world pressing down on me, my mind went immediately to my 5-year class reunion in 1984.
With the beat of disco music pulsing in my head, between the flashes of the strobe light, the names of fellow classmates who had already died came into focus. Disbelief struck my core as I read, “Jerry Norris – AIDS.” Popular Jerry Norris was the first of our class to fall from the newly discovered homosexual killer we came to know as AIDS. AIDS and homosexuality were synonymous. Homosexuality, aside from being morally wrong, was a quick pathway to death.
A voracious reader, Robbie often had stacks of books in his bedroom, yet somewhere in my soul I knew he wasn’t reading these particular novels just for entertainment. As I dropped those library books one-by-one into the library book return, I decided since Robbie would know I found the books, and he would surely be embarrassed, I would not have to say anything to him. Yes, if I just ignored the whole incident, and pretended I didn’t have a questioning son, the whole issue would pass over, and we would be happy again.
He is Still Gay
Happiness came incrementally, though homosexuality did not leave our family. Robbie would struggle with his sexual identity without the help and support of his family, but with his faith in God intact. While jumping from a boulder at Lake Berryessa the summer after high school graduation, he said the impact of hitting the water felt like he landed on cement. As he lay in bed with a fractured spine, his belly distended from his inability to pass urine or stool, Robbie’s mind was not on his injured body as he bargained with God, “Please God, let me be normal. Let me be straight and I will do anything you ask.” After months of recovery, he was still gay.
While serving a mission in Osorno, Chile, Robbie’s testimony led many people to Christ, but when he got home he was till gay. Context Specific Therapy with Dr. Jeffrey Robinson was helpful, but after working the workbooks, countless hours in prayer, and trying to concentrate on anything but being homosexual, he was still gay.
Crying does not take away the pain I feel for this son who wants so much to be “good.” How could I reconcile my belief homosexuality is morally wrong with the fact that no matter what Robbie tried he was still gay? The Bible says, “By their fruits, ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:16-20). Robbie is gay, but his fruits are kindness, love, charity, peace, forgiveness, tolerance, and acceptance. Signs of an evil soul such as malice, envy, and anger do not exist in this good son.
I then had to look at my own soul. Passing by the vanity mirror one day I had to do a double take to see who was staring back at me. Mousy hair, depressed eyes, a sullen frown, and overall worn countenance revealed the fear, anger, and phobias building inside me. As I stared at the image in the mirror I reflected upon a saying I heard once, “Neglect is the most destructive form of abuse.” By ignoring him, I had neglected my son, and the face of an abuser was staring back at me.
Sexual Orientation is not a Choice
Robbie’s search for answers was relatively safe in the mid-1990’s as he confined his quest to the one companion which had been constant: the library. Any questioning adolescent today has only to go as far as the home computer, Google “homosexuality” or “gay,” before being led to many sites full of vulgarity, porn, and twisted ideas. Today’s parents cannot afford to ignore their child’s developing sexual identity. Factual, open communication at home and at school can help struggling students find their identity before they turn to self-destructive behaviors due to self-loathing.
I, too, went to the library. Pouring over several decades of research on the subject of homosexuality allowed me to open my mind to the possibility homosexuality, as a sexual orientation, is not a choice, not a disease, not a mental illness, and not curable. No matter how hard Robbie wanted to be straight, God’s will was otherwise. “Consider the handiwork of God. Who can make straight that which he hath made crooked" (Ecclesiastes 7:13)? If God made my son homosexual, I accept Robbie’s homosexuality as a gift from God.
If I had it to Do Over Again
So I ponder on the ifs. If I had understood sexual orientation is not a choice, I would not have feared talking to my son when I found he was questioning his own. If I had been more open with my son, he could have communicated his fears. If I had known homosexuality is not curable, I would have encouraged Robbie to accept himself and stop trying to be what he wasn’t. If I would have known ignoring his homosexuality would not make it go away, I would have embraced that son on April Fool’s Day and cried because life was tearing us apart at such a critical time in his development.
Many items packed tightly into the U-Haul that spring day have since been forgotten, but my relationship with my loving, intelligent, homosexual son endures. I will stand next to him, and stand up for him everyday of my life as we try in every way we can to make life easier for other questioning adolescents. I accept God’s love and wisdom in making my son homosexual.
Before taking the driver’s seat, I accepted Robbie’s request we take one last walk around the block. Neither of us could find the words we wanted so desperately to convey to each other. “Robbie, I know you’ve been struggling with some issues for a few years now, and I want you to know that no matter what, I love you. Please be good and choose things in your life that will make you and God happy.” What I wanted to say was, “Robbie, don’t be gay! Please don’t go against everything we have taught you about God,” but I had never directly acknowledged Robbie’s homosexuality up to this point, and did not want to start talking about his sexual identity when I was ready to drive away.
Robbie’s words were tentative, “Mom, I love you, and I would never choose to do anything to purposefully hurt you. I’m going to miss you.” What Robbie wanted to say was, “Mom, I am gay, and it wasn’t my choice. I am scared and need your support.” I jumped into the big truck holding my life’s accumulations and drove away from my eldest born not wanting to look back.
Homosexuality is AIDS
The anxiety I felt about Robbie’s homosexuality continued to build since he was away at Scout Camp five years earlier. While all the boys were away, I took the opportunity to clean their bedrooms like only a mother can. Between braving the testosterone stench of newly developing adolescence, finding the mother lode of missing socks under the bed, separating dishes deemed renewable from those I didn’t want to ever eat out of again, I found a stack of novels about gay teens. How could Robbie even want to read about homosexuality? Gasping for breath, the weight of the world pressing down on me, my mind went immediately to my 5-year class reunion in 1984.
With the beat of disco music pulsing in my head, between the flashes of the strobe light, the names of fellow classmates who had already died came into focus. Disbelief struck my core as I read, “Jerry Norris – AIDS.” Popular Jerry Norris was the first of our class to fall from the newly discovered homosexual killer we came to know as AIDS. AIDS and homosexuality were synonymous. Homosexuality, aside from being morally wrong, was a quick pathway to death.
A voracious reader, Robbie often had stacks of books in his bedroom, yet somewhere in my soul I knew he wasn’t reading these particular novels just for entertainment. As I dropped those library books one-by-one into the library book return, I decided since Robbie would know I found the books, and he would surely be embarrassed, I would not have to say anything to him. Yes, if I just ignored the whole incident, and pretended I didn’t have a questioning son, the whole issue would pass over, and we would be happy again.
He is Still Gay
Happiness came incrementally, though homosexuality did not leave our family. Robbie would struggle with his sexual identity without the help and support of his family, but with his faith in God intact. While jumping from a boulder at Lake Berryessa the summer after high school graduation, he said the impact of hitting the water felt like he landed on cement. As he lay in bed with a fractured spine, his belly distended from his inability to pass urine or stool, Robbie’s mind was not on his injured body as he bargained with God, “Please God, let me be normal. Let me be straight and I will do anything you ask.” After months of recovery, he was still gay.
While serving a mission in Osorno, Chile, Robbie’s testimony led many people to Christ, but when he got home he was till gay. Context Specific Therapy with Dr. Jeffrey Robinson was helpful, but after working the workbooks, countless hours in prayer, and trying to concentrate on anything but being homosexual, he was still gay.
Crying does not take away the pain I feel for this son who wants so much to be “good.” How could I reconcile my belief homosexuality is morally wrong with the fact that no matter what Robbie tried he was still gay? The Bible says, “By their fruits, ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:16-20). Robbie is gay, but his fruits are kindness, love, charity, peace, forgiveness, tolerance, and acceptance. Signs of an evil soul such as malice, envy, and anger do not exist in this good son.
I then had to look at my own soul. Passing by the vanity mirror one day I had to do a double take to see who was staring back at me. Mousy hair, depressed eyes, a sullen frown, and overall worn countenance revealed the fear, anger, and phobias building inside me. As I stared at the image in the mirror I reflected upon a saying I heard once, “Neglect is the most destructive form of abuse.” By ignoring him, I had neglected my son, and the face of an abuser was staring back at me.
Sexual Orientation is not a Choice
Robbie’s search for answers was relatively safe in the mid-1990’s as he confined his quest to the one companion which had been constant: the library. Any questioning adolescent today has only to go as far as the home computer, Google “homosexuality” or “gay,” before being led to many sites full of vulgarity, porn, and twisted ideas. Today’s parents cannot afford to ignore their child’s developing sexual identity. Factual, open communication at home and at school can help struggling students find their identity before they turn to self-destructive behaviors due to self-loathing.
I, too, went to the library. Pouring over several decades of research on the subject of homosexuality allowed me to open my mind to the possibility homosexuality, as a sexual orientation, is not a choice, not a disease, not a mental illness, and not curable. No matter how hard Robbie wanted to be straight, God’s will was otherwise. “Consider the handiwork of God. Who can make straight that which he hath made crooked" (Ecclesiastes 7:13)? If God made my son homosexual, I accept Robbie’s homosexuality as a gift from God.
If I had it to Do Over Again
So I ponder on the ifs. If I had understood sexual orientation is not a choice, I would not have feared talking to my son when I found he was questioning his own. If I had been more open with my son, he could have communicated his fears. If I had known homosexuality is not curable, I would have encouraged Robbie to accept himself and stop trying to be what he wasn’t. If I would have known ignoring his homosexuality would not make it go away, I would have embraced that son on April Fool’s Day and cried because life was tearing us apart at such a critical time in his development.
Many items packed tightly into the U-Haul that spring day have since been forgotten, but my relationship with my loving, intelligent, homosexual son endures. I will stand next to him, and stand up for him everyday of my life as we try in every way we can to make life easier for other questioning adolescents. I accept God’s love and wisdom in making my son homosexual.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Researching Gender Identity
I don't mean to make my blog about Gender Identity, but the subject is on my mind right now. I went to talk to a middle-school counselor at Boltz Jr. High yesterday and was told I would have to talk to the principal about such a subject. My appointment is Friday. So, here is what I still want to know:
1. What resources to local schools use to communicate to students, parents, and teachers about gender-identity issues?
2. How are anti-bullying programs designed to include information on gender-identity issues?
3. What responsibilities does a school have to transgender children? How far do they have to go in making accommodations? Gym class?
4. From where does a Student’s Bill of Rights come? Federal, State, District,or Individual Schools? Does the Student Bill of Rights cover gender-identity?
5. How does having a transgender kid in a classroom affect the learning environment?
6. At what age is talking to children about gender-identity appropriate?
7. How can we approach our children about subjects in which we feel uncomfortable, or which go against our religious beliefs?
8. Why are children “coming out” at younger ages?
9. What anti-bullying programs are already out there which deal with gender identity?
10. What are the different phases of gender-identity and exploration, and how can we help students (our children) through the different phases?
11. What are the different stages of “coming out,” and what does each stage mean?
12. What is the drop-out rate of GLBT students?
13. What is the suicide/murder rate of GLBT students?
14. What is the Kinsey Scale?
15. How do children with non-gender normative behaviors suffer from bullying?
16. Are children on same-sex parents more prone to bullying?
17. Do children of same-sex parents have a greater chance of turning out gay?
18. Why do we have to talk about someone’s sexual orientation? Isn’t that a private matter?
What are your thought and/or experiences?
1. What resources to local schools use to communicate to students, parents, and teachers about gender-identity issues?
2. How are anti-bullying programs designed to include information on gender-identity issues?
3. What responsibilities does a school have to transgender children? How far do they have to go in making accommodations? Gym class?
4. From where does a Student’s Bill of Rights come? Federal, State, District,or Individual Schools? Does the Student Bill of Rights cover gender-identity?
5. How does having a transgender kid in a classroom affect the learning environment?
6. At what age is talking to children about gender-identity appropriate?
7. How can we approach our children about subjects in which we feel uncomfortable, or which go against our religious beliefs?
8. Why are children “coming out” at younger ages?
9. What anti-bullying programs are already out there which deal with gender identity?
10. What are the different phases of gender-identity and exploration, and how can we help students (our children) through the different phases?
11. What are the different stages of “coming out,” and what does each stage mean?
12. What is the drop-out rate of GLBT students?
13. What is the suicide/murder rate of GLBT students?
14. What is the Kinsey Scale?
15. How do children with non-gender normative behaviors suffer from bullying?
16. Are children on same-sex parents more prone to bullying?
17. Do children of same-sex parents have a greater chance of turning out gay?
18. Why do we have to talk about someone’s sexual orientation? Isn’t that a private matter?
What are your thought and/or experiences?
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